(playing catch-up)

Here are some of the priceless pics that my brother Brandon (BRS Photography, also married to http://schultzpartyoffour.blogspot.com/ ) so graciously took for us. He waited with us from about 9:30am and on until baby Bella made her 1st appearance.  In the mean time, he captured these images for us, similar to when we had Ava, and these will now and forever be some of my favorite photos ever.  Come to think of it, I probably owe him big time.

Sisters

I never had a sister. But if I had, I hope we would've been best friends. That's what i hope for my sweethearts here. Ava is pretty sweet with bella, and bella is too young to reciprocate but I pray that they will be confidants some day, best friends, secret keepers for each other, shoulders to cry on and midnight gigglers. I hope they do hair and make up and nails and dress up together. And I hope that they love each other.

That's not too much to ask, right??...

maybe someday. MAYBE.

somehow this lady whom I've never met, most likely will never meet, and will never know that I know that she exists, put my thoughts exactly into her own words:

http://www.havingthreekids.com/decision.html

we definitely haven't gotten to her last paragraph yet.  just saying, we're undecided.  probably will be for a while, especially while my stitches still remind me of that day 2.5 weeks ago.  God blesses us with a forgetful memory of that beautiful, aweful day commerated as 'birthdays'. 

thoughts on the unexpected

Something I wasn't expecting with this pregnancy, that I didn't see coming at all actually, was GUILT.  Guilt for Ava.  Somebody told me at one point that it is normal and this friend had felt that same way, but it just hit me like a ton of bricks.  Some nights (during my baby blues) I found myself crying just for Ava because I felt like I was not giving her the attention she needs.  While she in no way lacks attention and basically wants for nothing, my heart still broke for her.  Especially during the healing process of my body when I'm not supposed to pick up her 30lb little body yet, I had to explain to her that until my tummy gets better I couldn't pick her up, but yet she would see me holding her sister.  I've tried to specifically have her snuggle me on the couch or in bed, but it never felt the same to me, so I know it doesn't to her either.  This I'm still working thru...

She is an amazing big sister.  And it's been interesting to watch the birth order play a roll in her personality.  She now is a little more outgoing.  A little more talkative.  And a lot more protective and helpful with her baby sister. 

Mostly I'm amazed because my fear (like a lot of moms I think) is you ask yourself, how can I love someone else as much as I love you?  The love for your child is second to none.  Yes, I love my husband dearly. With my whole heart.  But, it's a different love.  The love for my children just bleeds out of me.  It's so instinctual, like breathing.  And sure enough, when Bella was born, I was proven that I CAN love more than one child with all the love in the world that I thought was not possible.  WHEW!

mom of the year...

I definitely missed taking a single photo of my child when she was a week old.  I'm so lame.  so here's some from all last week, and, sorry bella.  you are still my sweet though.  I also will apologize in advance if your baby book is less than full, like everyone always says about kids after the 1st...doesn't mean I love you any less. 

Labor and delivery

Background: due date was Fri 7.29.11
First induction date: Wed 7.20.11
Second induction date: thur 7.21.11
Third and final induction date: Fri 7.22.11

God's timing is perfect in everything. Even tho my hopes were up then down by the delayed date, even tho my Dr wasn't the one to deliver, we feel truly blessed how everything went. The Dr did a phenomenal job. And sometimes people come into your life and make a special impact -- that's how it was with my main nurse Linda. Linda and us (me and Sam) bonded almost like family. I will admit that each night I have a spout of 'baby blues tears', but partly last night was due to missing Linda. As dumb as it sounds, I love Linda and am so thankful she is part of our delivery experience.

So on to the story...

Thursday night i couldn't fall asleep until 1am.  My alarm was set for 330am, planned to leave by 4, get ava to my moms by 430 and at st lukes east hospital by 5am.  So, needless to say, I was tired but excited. 

They didn't waste much time at the hospital, got me checked in, hooked up, and ready for delivery in no time flat.  I was discouraged because they said I had to wait until I was dialated to a 3 before giving the epidural. I was discouraged because previously at the Dr they said i could get it immediately, but, again it worked out perfectly.

Dialated Progress report:

1 at 530am
3 at 1130am
Epidural at 1145am
5 at 1230pm
10 at 130pm
Had to wait to push for her head to come down...
Pushing at 230pm
Delivery at 321pm

Bella was a trooper.  Once born she had to get a little oxygen, and during delivery I was given oxygen because her heart rate kept dropping during contractions. I heard her making noises but didn't hear her really cry until they gave her the wash cloth bath around 545pm.

The rest of the hospital stay was great. I love that hospital.

We've been home all week recovering. Sam has been incredible, making me breakfast, lunch and dinners, making grocery store runs, doing dishes and laundry. I feel so blessed, and God speed for those single moms because I don't know how its done without a helpmate. I love you husband.

Ava is such a great big sister. She helps with the Paci, and she reminds me that she's not hitting her sister. (Previously she received good instruction from her cousin Julia on how to be a good big sister, and one thing is to never, ever, ever, ever hit your sister.) I love you ava.

Bella and I are working to be a good team at breastfeeding. We've had a couple struggles, but (knock on wood) I think we are about over the hurdles. Praise God!

I love you family.

Can't make any promises that we're going to do this again...but that's not to say we aren't...in this kind if pain I don't feel comfortable making that decision.  I just know that one look at her and its all worth it.

Introducing...

name: Bella Marie Lane

born: Friday 7.22.11

time: 3:21pm

weight: 9 pounds 13 ounces

height: 21"

We love you Bella. 

We thank God for you.

You are right where you belong.

twas the night before bella...

...and I can't fall asleep for the life of me.  My alarm clock is set for 4.5 hours from now, and when I know I'm needing sleep the most, it just vanishes. 

I've been thinking a lot over the past two days of how our lives are about to change, though in reality I have no clue until we're back at home, just the four of us, and we are actually living it out. 

Ava was literally bouncing on our bed tonight with excitement!  We've been prepping her all week for FRIDAY, the big day.  Her sister's debut.  She asked to "borrow" Bella's blanket a couple of weeks ago, so we said she could, as long as she knew she had to give it to her sister once she got here.  Tonight I reminded her she needed to put Bella's blanket in her pink bag so we can take it with us tomorrow and she did so without one argument.  I think she just might make the best big sister ever.

I am so thankful for my family.  God has so richly blessed us with each other, and I just feel like the luckiest person on the planet.

Truth be told, I'm nervous about tomorrow.  But we said our prayers tonight and are in our Maker's hands.  no place I'd rather be. 

Sisters

She said she wants to give nemo to her sister. She said she would share her pink bag with her sister. And she says that her sister can come to Disney some day with her.

In a 2 year old's mind, I wonder what she thinks her sister will be like. But does it really matter, when she already loves her without even having met her? How precious she is.

False labor / induction date!

It was Thursday night, after work, after dinner at chipotle, and I thought 'this could be it. This could be the real deal! And, this sucks.'

With ava I was induced so I never experienced the quick, grab the bag, my water broke, thundercats a goooooo! Moment. But the other night I was definitely mentally preparing myself for a possible hospital trip.

I called my own Dr and I called my brother/dr. Turns out, I was dehydrated. I sat on the couch for about 2 hours, dozing in and out of sleep and drinking lots of water. Sure enough, next morning I felt like a million bucks and Bella was right where she should be, still inside. Plus, I didn't have to get hooked up to monitors just to be told it was a false alarm. At least not yet.

My actual due date is Friday 7/29. At my last ultrasound (with 4 wks to go) they confirmed she is already appx 8lbs.  My Dr has decided it acceptable/appropriate to do an early induction due to her size and not wanting to risk her getting TOO big to deliver naturally.

Induction date: Wednesday 7/20

So although she may be a good 9-10lbs still, hopefully we can still have a successful natural delivery. (And by natural I do NOT mean without drugs...).